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Waiting for the Sun to Rise

It’s really hard to explain my feelings at this point; today. It’s my own fault really, but I still don’t see why it all has to hit me at once. The pains of failure can really kick you in the butt.

I’m usually a very (VERY) high spirited person. I’ve always been a very easy-going, fun-lovin’, and relaxed type of person. It didn’t matter what came my way. But here lately, I’m not sure how I’m even standing.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Should I even continue doing what I do? Blogging; I love it – I really, really do – I’ve never loved anything more (except for my family of course) but this isn’t helping to pay the bills.

(The oh-woe-is-me part) We have but one vehicle (a crappy truck with no a/c and it’s one that guzzles gas quicker than we can fill it), my medical crap keeps me from getting a “real” job since I can’t stand without losing circulation in my right food) and after what happened to Piper at a day-care years ago I just can’t trust (or see) leaving the girls in the care of another person (or facility) again.

Disclaimer:
Don’t worry about me. I’m not suicidal or anything like that (could never see putting my kids through that type of pain). And besides, I can’t even touch a gun. I saw my dad point it at my mother far too many times to even consider using it against me – ever. That and I am deathly afraid of “dying.” I want to stick around (even through the harshest of times) for as long as I can before I’m called home.

Okay, so I lied. We have two cars, but let me explain. My mother just gave me her old car, because she bought a new one a year ago, and because I begged her to let me have it. Besides, they had three, for 2 drivers. I’ve had the car since Sunday and now I have to take it back. My sister’s car broke down and needs one. I’m not mad though. I’m the one who begged for it. So now it’s back to not having a car to run and do (oh well, it’s not like I had the money to “run and do” anyways).

Did I mention my internet’s out? Never mind…it’s back on- that’s one problem fixed. J

I’m done. Actually there’s more (tons more) – trust me, I can have you reading my woes all day – but I won’t bore you with the deep stuff. These are just things I have to work through on my own. I’m just going through a real bad “emotional” time right now. I know it will pass soon (lookie-here I still have my optimism) but it’s the waiting game I hate playing most. I’m so ready to see the sun rise, to feel like my old self again; to laugh a whole day through (without reminding myself of all the crap around me). This moodiness I’m feeling now just doesn’t work for me. It’s killing my working mojo. L

Have a great day all and thanks for stopping by.

PS- I’m so sorry you had to read through all this crap but I’m sure glad to know someone is listening. It helps with the “getting better.”

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UPDATE:

It’s been 5 hours since I wrote this post (while waiting on internet to be turned back on) and – having a lot of time “unplugged” and having time to myself, entirely for thinking – I just wanted to let you know that I’m done…done with complaining anyway. I’m going to clear my head and the next time you see a post on Blogfully it will be “happy” ones. I hope you’ll stick around.

Disclosure: This is a mere post of random venting (which is what you see from time to time when you visit a personal blog). All thoughts, problems, and opinions expressed in this post are solely my own. Thanks for reading. I know you didn’t have to, but you did.

 

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About the author: Living in South Texas, Barb is wife to a taxidermist and mother to three outrageously rambunctious kids (ages 10, 11 & 20) and their cute dogs, Jager and Louie! Barb spends her day’s blogging, chatting with friends on Facebook, tweeting, sharing far too many crazy pictures on Pinterest & Instagram, and most importantly…trying to catch a cat-nap when she can. Her favorite drinks are Coffee and Unsweetened Mango tea from Sonic. Barb – through Blogfully – shares her personal insight on the products she tries, uses, hates, and loves. She lives to travel, enjoys reading, can crochet a mean afghan, and is told she makes the best chicken salad sandwiches ever!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Karen Medlin

    I am here and listening!

  • I’m a fairly new reader and shared in your woes for the day. I’ve been feeling the same way lately, but for different reasons. Some days are good and some days are worse, but it does get better and stopping to appreciate all of the positive things in your life really help…and flavored coffee…and chocolate…and hot bubble baths.
    Yona recently posted…I Love…StillTasty – Online Shelf Life Guide

  • Heather!

    Didn’t you just recently switch or stop taking some meds? If I am remembering that correctly, this is all to be expected. Sure, the problems you list might be very real, but the way you feel about them is coming from your mind. It’s a hard river to cross, but you will get to the other side, and everything will look different then. (I did a similar thing earlier this year, and I remember feeling a lot like you seem to be feeling now.)

    Hang in there. It WILL get better! If you can, try to adopt a ‘scientist attitude’ to it. That’s what I tried to do….I just observed myself feeling these strange things and pointed them out to myself and my husband, always reminding myself that just because I think I see them one way doesn’t mean they’re really like that. They look totally different from the other side.

    In the meantime, please do keep blogging! It does help–I think–to get it all out in words. Even if you don’t post it, I think you should keep writing about it. Helps keep it in perspective. AND you should remember that there are many of us out here who care and are thinking of you!! :) I hope today you feel FANTASTIC, even if it’s only for a short time. <3

  • Awe, thanks so much ladies. Whether you know it or not, you guys are one of 5 reasons why I continue to “write.”
    I probably looked like a lune lastnight – talking to myself and all – but I feel so much better for it. My mind is clear, my hopes are high and my thoughts are positive. Things are looking up for me this morning!

    xoxo,
    Barb
    barb recently posted…Our #Homecoming Parade for #FBISD

  • roger

    Hey Barb, I love you guys and i know kinda what ur going thru. You know u can always call me and we can talk it helps to get it out. Its a good thing u made ur post instead of holding it in. I might have some suggestions for you. again I love you guys. Give the girls my love. Your loving Brother in Law Roger

    • Thanks so much Roger – Love you too (always). I thought about it too and thought it would be a good idea to just publish it instead of deleting it. Plus, this is part of what I’m going through and part of having a blog is sharing my thoughts (even if they’re “deep” and personal). It does help to clear my head.

      Love you bunches,
      Barb
      barb recently posted…My Pretty Poo-poos

  • renee

    You’ll pull out of this, Barb!!! Everybody goes through the blahs sometime or another. You are strong and you will bounce back and we will be right here to listen to you vent until then! Stay strong and I’m here if you need to email out some emotions! Anytime!!!
    Hope you feel better really soon :)